Will
“Just don’t forget, Charmer,” she said, “be good to everyone you meet on the way up, because you might have to meet them again on the way down” – Grandma Gigi (“Will”)
Will Smith… who hasn’t heard of this world megastar? He’s one of the rare ones who managed to put both a Grammy and an Oscar (as well as many other awards) in his trophy cabinet, and equally contributed to both the music and film industries.
I genuinely like Will. He has good songs and brilliant films behind him (“The Pursuit of Happyness,” “Ali,” “Men in Black,” “Bad Boys,” “Hancock,” “I am Legend,” “King Richard” and many others) and truly seems like an interesting person. He fulfilled himself as a father and husband, and besides his music and film career, he’s also successful in the startup world.
Will has always been a darling of both critics and audiences and media, but he also had his excesses during his career (of course, the most famous is last year’s, when he slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars ceremony because of a joke at his wife Jada’s expense, for which he received a ban from attending the Oscars for the next 10 years).
However, as he was the darling of all the aforementioned, he also often knew how to raise question marks with some of his unusual statements and actions, like his relationship with close people, including his children and wife (Jada Pinkett-Smith).
In a way, I grew up with Will’s films and followed his career. However, as I got older (and increasingly interested in psychology, communication, personal and professional development, body language and more), I began to notice some “details” in Will’s behavior that were to me somewhat, well, unusual.
Somehow I always had a strange impression that I sometimes see one Will as some kind of artificial construct, and then unexpectedly some impulsive, scared, childish Will would “shoot out.”
And then the news appeared that his memoirs would be released, simply named – “Will.”
However, one of the most important reasons why I picked up the book hides in the person who collaborated with Will on the memoirs… and that’s the brilliant Mark Manson, who has (in my opinion) written one of the best books, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck” (maybe, after so many years, it deserves a re-reading and “re-review”? By the way, interesting fact: I think the review of that book is the most-read text on the blog) and no less quality “Everything is Fcked.” I had a feeling the book would be well written with his assistance.
And I wasn’t wrong in my assessment. 😁
It’s a challenge to review memoirs, so I’d divide the text into two parts: what the book (approximately) covers and my (psychological) view of Will.
Will will take us in his memoirs through his life path from earliest childhood, all the way to some (I think) 2021.
We’ll see how he cultivated reverence for his father (on one hand, a strict figure who brought food to the table, work ethic and some life lessons, and on the other hand often physically aggressive and violent and unreasonable) and admiration for his mother (a very caring, educated and well-read woman who placed great hopes in her children’s schooling, and who, especially for those times and that culture, also knew how to “cut” some things in family relationships) and how he adored his grandmother Gigi and her wisdom imbued with love and faith in God.
We’ll discover that he had challenges adapting to society because he was a dreamer and stood out slightly from the crowd with his views.
Then Will will introduce us to the world of hip-hop and rap, and all the challenges from youth he had to overcome to achieve a (successful) music career, what problems and prejudices he encountered and how it came to be that at a very young age he ultimately became a big (and wealthy) music star with a Grammy under his arm… and how due to unpaid taxes he lost everything and had to struggle anew.
And then he (unexpectedly) entered the world of television as the lead hero of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and won audiences with his authenticity. And then he later realized, although music is his great love, that film is his life purpose. Then he decided to become the biggest film star, and filmed excellent movies (he’ll share with us the inside story of how he chose some films and challenges during filming), became the audience’s darling and the golden goose guaranteeing big film earnings.
And all these events are permeated by three constant (light)motifs running through the memoirs…
First place, women and love. Will will share with us his love disappointments and successes, as well as how he (finally) defined relationships with his ex-wife Sheree and current Jada, and what he liked and didn’t like about Jada (he was married to Sheree for three years, and with Jada it’s already been 25 years).
Then there’s the idea of family. Will cares very much about being the best father and husband and brother and making them all happy… however, partly due to ignorance, partly due to his stubbornness, he didn’t always make the best moves in life, because he believed that if he made them laugh and provided for them materially, everything would be fine.
And finally, probably the key question: “Who, in fact, is Will Smith?” But not so much in the sense of a question addressed to the reader, but how much Will himself constantly questions himself. What defined him to be the way he is? Is the only way for someone to love him if he maximally accommodates them, even if he has to be a doormat? Why did he so often say one thing and think another? Does he need others to feel happy for him to be happy, or does it go the other way in life?
And in the end, the memoir concludes with Will entering his 50s in a major life crisis and on the verge of his marriage falling apart, so he turns to ayahuasca and a spiritual journey to find himself, his purpose and the meaning of happiness.
As you can see, the memoirs “Will” are on almost 450 pages for good reason. 😁
The second element of the review is my view of Will.
Upon finishing reading, I realized that some pieces fell into place for me regarding his personality profile. You see, some childhood traumas and growing up in the 70s, in combination with his dreamy nature, contributed to Will having to build an artificial construct of himself in order to (primarily psychologically) survive. His logic was (from a child’s perspective) sensible – “people are cheerful when I clown around, and if they’re cheerful, then they’re not violent. Then I’m fun to them, and if I keep accommodating them to feel good, then they’ll love and appreciate me.” He later applied a similar principle in love (I now think that the teenage days of his character in the film “Hitch” have a slight biographical moment).
You see, Will is aware that he was actually for the largest part of his life a coward and weakling. He wanted to be strong, but his thoughtlessness and frequent impulsive reactions, accompanied by arrogance, and then psychological breakdowns, contributed to people often not knowing where they stood with him. He himself clearly shows that he had wrong ideas about what love looks like and how family and friends should be treated (even in later years), and how in a large number of cases he didn’t actually hear what people were truly telling him but interpreted things as suited him. Of course, childhood and first loves and friendships shaped him considerably, but it wasn’t clear to him that he carried those patterns with him for a long time (probably too long) (as a large portion of the population does).
Not infrequently, Will shows drastic turns in ways of thinking that can catch people off guard, and himself too. On the other hand, rethinking situations and changing perspectives is something Adam Grant would certainly agree with, especially in his latest book “Think Again.”
By the way, when it comes to books, from the memoirs we see that Will discovered his love of books (especially about development, psychology and philosophy) in later years (during one of his greatest crises, when he temporarily isolated himself from everyone), but that there are some works that as a younger person influenced him considerably, like “The Alchemist” (when he started questioning his purpose in life more) and “The Hero with a Thousand Faces” (which gave him quite a bit of guidance when it comes to acting), as well as “Women Who Run with the Wolves” when he was trying to better understand the crisis that had taken hold of Jada in their marriage when she felt she had lost her purpose and identity.
Also, Will will touch on his encounters with some of the most influential people of that era, like Muhammad Ali and Nelson Mandela, who had a great influence on Will with their thinking. There were also various businessmen, screenwriters, artists, as well as the situation when he met Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis in one place and asked them for advice about what’s needed to be the best in the film world. We’ll see how much he admired Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, top comedians and then big stars earning serious money.
“Will” is an incredibly readable book. In collaboration with Mark Manson, Will told not only his life story, but also the story of hip-hop/rap, as well as the film industry. Through Will’s eyes we’ll see what true friendships and loves are (and how easily they can be destroyed by inattention), as well as how we often can’t recognize enemies who are close to us. We’ll realize that talent (truly) cannot beat hard work, ethic and discipline (Will is by the way known as an extremely great perfectionist in his approach to acting, and family too… which often comes back to bite him). We’ll live through (together with him) his greatest defeats that knocked him to the ground and how it took him time to get back up and continue. And through all of this run Will’s observations, remarks and thoughts, reflections on some past events, as well as wisdom from other people he accepted into his life. And to compose all this to be light reading, yet imbued with depth, and often with sarcasm and cynicism and cursing, pessimism and optimism… overall, a feeling of the real, would not have been possible without Manson’s help.
The good thing is that Will presented himself relatively “balanced” in his memoirs. He didn’t go with the from rags to riches approach and how he was so cool, indestructible, all-knowing who broke through because he was God-given (it’s quite obvious from the memoirs that he also had quite a bit of luck in life, which is equally important for success). Likewise, he didn’t go down the path of pathos and constant self-pity to evoke our sympathy and compassion for the foolish things he did. Simply, different emotions will accompany you through his life story. You’ll feel sorry for him, you’ll be glad for him, you’ll even somewhat admire him… but honestly, thoughts will often pass through your head like “Damn it Will, you really turned out to be a jerk, even I wouldn’t have acted that way at that age” or “Oh, you’re an idiot, Will…” or not infrequently you’ll slap yourself on the forehead when you see what stupidities he was saying (of course, Will is now aware of this too, so not infrequently he’ll share with us what he actually should have said in certain situations, instead of the stupidities he really said).
Likewise, “Will” also has good messages for people questioning their career (what and where next), and not only in the sense of film and music, but business generally. It’s very important to meet people and create contacts (which Will didn’t much like at the beginning of his career)… likewise, it’s very important to take care of taxes. 😅 Likewise, it’s very important to also have a good gut feeling about whether to get involved in some things or not, but also to have good advisors who can look at some things more objectively than you (many films, like “Men in Black” or “Ali,” Will categorically refused to film at first, but people knew how to persuade him).
But perhaps the most important item when it comes to business and big money… learning to be humble and not to burden oneself so much with material things (in the sense of accumulating tangible things), but rather to invest money in people, business, gifts and experiences like travel.
All in all, “Will” turned out to be an excellent book (i.e., memoir) for reading for me, which gives us a nice insight into his life path and psychological profile, and moreover has nice instructive lessons. If you’re a fan of Will Smith’s character and/or work (or you’re simply interested in how not to make some foolish moves, but also how to make some smart ones), and moreover you love to read some “juicy” detail, there’s no reason to skip this title.
And you, my dear reader, which is your favorite film by this actor? 🙂
Author’s website | Book price: Laguna | Vulkan | Delfi Ratings (and purchase) on foreign sites: Goodreads | Amazon | Bookdepository | Audible | Waterstones | Penguin Random House | Barnes & Noble
