Behind the Rain
“My opinion is if you want a rainbow, you’ll have to endure a bit of rain” – Dolly Parton
When it comes to people dealing (or “dealing”) with personal or business development of people, and are from ex-YU space, somehow experience taught me to be cautious. Large number of them often sell some “fog,” tell some made-up stories, want to convince you they’re some God’s wonders, how it’s easy to achieve everything you want… and especially that goes even faster if you buy some their course, e-book, seminar or whatever. And good part of them are truly big fakers and frauds… and that’s obvious to me… not because I’m some genius or detective (well, maybe a bit 😁), but because I’ve seen plenty of such people’s profiles.
Srđan Zirojević falls into category of people from this “branch” whom I tolerate (from me that comes as big compliment 😅) and can listen to him when he “pops up” on social networks (also compliment). I asked myself why, because from my perspective, he doesn’t say anything new or revolutionary.
However, there was great interest for his book “Behind the Rain” (and I was also asked a bit for opinion about it), so I said, why not investigate. 😁
“Behind the Rain: how not to waste your life”… sounds interesting (and somewhat unusual) title, you’ll agree.
“I was born in Croatia, in Virovitica.”
Here I closed the book. I assumed introduction will be about his growing up. I decided to do something atypical for me. I’ll try to extract conclusion what life path this Srđan had. Maybe it’ll also give me insight why I can tolerate topics he talks about. I haven’t exactly met the man, nor asked him questions that could give me insight into person, nor shook hands with him, so my instinct could tell me something more. But I’ve seen enough of his speeches, interviews, know his character, voice and body language. I turned on some random video where he speaks and started concentrating while relaxing (my trademark technique 😁). What do my instinct and experience tell me about him?
Born in small place. Most likely lived very modestly. Didn’t have exactly nice childhood. Violent parent, most likely father, forced him to caution. Surely some scar from violence remained, if not on body, surely on soul. Maybe father was capable man like this, but not capable of emotions and tenderness? Mother probably had to endure all that. Maybe he had some safety in grandmother or grandfather? Quite certainly was very lonely soul and very big dreamer, imagination maybe gave him power to temporarily escape from reality. Maybe had favorite dog or cat while growing up? I get impression he didn’t flee from house to Serbia, but simply came relocation. Didn’t have exactly luck in school, I don’t think he was exactly talented for school, don’t “see” him as some genius, but not as some troublemaker either, maybe was subject of peers’ mockery. Later through life he broke through how he knew and could, I see him working various jobs, night shifts… I see his heart was broken many times, that he was betrayed by someone close to him. Great anger smoldered in him long.
However, when I see his eyes and pay attention to voice… man has some unusual glow in eyes… I haven’t met that many times in people, but I think I was sure of one thing. Man had some extreme traumas that bring person to edge. I remembered crisis definition. Situation of vital significance, in which change must come, either for better or worse. I think this man’s extreme loneliness or some person’s love made him “cut” something in himself, to grapple with his dark side, his demons from past…
And maybe all this I thought is nonsense and I just made things up. 😁 You’ll find out if I guessed and which things if you read the book.
Book “Behind the Rain” has five main chapters:
- They lived happily until end of life
- With man who knows what he wants there’s no joking
- Mental toughness
- Sometimes biggest opponents in one life moment can become good friends in another
- Chance your life passes in everything you didn’t want for yourself is extremely big
Each of these chapters has subchapters that are often immediately understandable, sometimes abstract, and often formulated in question form (like “Can you look fear in eyes without heart starting to race rapidly?”, “What would superhero from film do if found in your place?”, “Ruined by choices”, “Silent killer” and others).
First chapter talks about love’s significance. True love. But not in sense of that fantasy idyllic where everything always goes just right. But one where we try to truly know partner, where there are rituals we share with partner, where there’s place for communication and discussion, but not for aggression and insults. That it’s okay to nicely say what bothers you about partner, but also that you’re ready to receive feedback yourself. Loyalty. Family.
Second chapter touches on courage. Desires and dreams. Knowing what we want from life (and sometimes it’s not bad to find out what we don’t want from life!). That dreams shouldn’t be given up, but we should always try to reach them.
Third chapter talks about shadow that’s always behind courage, sometimes before it, but always accompanies it. And that’s fear. Starting from fear of humiliation to that primal fear of death. And there’s one kind of “fear” we don’t really like to renounce. And that’s when facing past. And there’s also topic of mental toughness (some would use term resilience). What is that “toughness,” how is it built, how does it deal with stress? Is “mental armor” solution? Putting “masks” on face? Maybe it’s built through cheerier and more humorous look at life’s difficulties? Good old optimism? Some other way to become thick-skinned?
Fourth chapter talks about whether we’re willing to be victims or fighters… quite from perspective of martial arts and what all they can teach us in life (since I dealt with martial arts myself for long time, somehow I easily connected with this chapter). Likewise, chapter deals with how by setting (or writing) ourselves right questions, we can reach right answers (again, I practice this approach myself both with myself and in work with people where focus is on right questions).
And finally, what will we do with our choices… is it bad if we have too few or too many? And how to “cut” which is right choice? Simply pack up and go to other end of world (or neighboring city if nothing else at least)… or give both yourself and current place chance, and do everything that’s up to you? And finally, who do I want to become? One who constantly compares himself with others? Embittered? Brown-noser? Someone who doesn’t want to hear opinion of those who wish him well? Or someone who’ll rise above their weaknesses?
As you see, “Behind the Rain” touches on some very interesting life themes.
I’d say one of “Behind the Rain” book’s advantages is precisely writing style. You have impression like you sat with Srđan for coffee in some café (or maybe rather with mulled wine by campfire?) and discuss some life topics. Book has very personal note, because author will often insert details from his life through topics, as well as encounters with various people and lessons he learned from them (or he shared with them). And there’ll be occasional interesting statistics or parts of research (but nothing excessively professionally explained, but simply woven into topic’s flow).
Who is this book for? Well… for everyone, I’d say. Book covers quite a lot of basic topics you’ve surely already read/heard somewhere, but that’s, I’d say, precisely this book’s virtue. To remind of some elementary things people put out of mind during their life. Though, at first glance, I didn’t read anything new here (but keep in mind I’m saying this from my perspective, person who devoted most of life to researching everything and anything on personal and business development topic), it was still pleasant to easily read this book, somehow it was relaxing.
Someone will maybe say author writes perhaps a bit naively and idealistically, especially first chapter on love topic. Maybe they’d just wave hand and say “Talk is one thing, life is another.” And maybe they’d be right. But author wouldn’t be to blame if his writing seemed like that to us. Our society is to blame. It’s to blame it allowed some common sense things (like search for true love, communication and work with partner, effort to achieve some life goal, optimism, true facing of fears) to now be viewed as “idealistic” or “naive.” We allowed ourselves to be “poisoned” by many external factors, then we also continued nurturing that “weed” in ourselves and suffocated flowers and medicinal herbs that should grow in us… oh there I went into poets…
I don’t know who wrote this review? Maybe “Coffee and Books”… maybe “BrankoS”… or most likely both sides merged here in writing. Doesn’t matter. But fact is it doesn’t hurt to have this book in your library.
Read “Behind the Rain” slowly. Really. Don’t rush. Read it for weeks, months. This is book I classify under back2basics or as they say in martial arts, “kihon” (基本, きほん). Reminder of some elementary things person must renew or improve to move forward through life.
All in all, “Behind the Rain” was nice and instructive reading experience and as such deserves you devote time to it. Srđan Zirojević wrote very good book.
Dear reader, and what do you see behind your rain? 🙂
Author’s website
Book price: author’s website
